Last night, Matt and I went to see world-famous thereminist Pamelia Kurstin play at the Issue Project Room. I was expecting a night of spooky ghostlike sounds in a, well, spooky ghostlike setting, since the show was located in the Old American Can Factory, a 19th century complex at the Gowanus Canal. To add atmosphere to an already strange night, the sky was filled with backlit clouds, and as we wandered around the desolate area past empty condemned buildings and construction sites lit unnaturally by fluorescent lights, even Matt agreed the night had a creepy feel to it.
Was the show everything I expected? Not quite. When Pamelia first came out, she approached the mike and spoke as if she were playing a recording of her voice in fast-forward high speed motion. Something about a party in another room and a vodka cranberry. Hmm. She first played a lengthy set of what she described as a “work in progress”, a tapestry of complexly woven sounds, deep bass lines sliced out through the air with her right hand, and her left gesturing in a unique sign language as she arranged the pitch. Notes whirred and wavered like ghosts, and vibratos echoed like sounds you would only hear from a 1950s B-movie spaceship. The piece was dark, heavy, theatrical, yet moved freely through the air. I liked it a lot. Though we soon realized that this part of the night was only the beginning. There was lots more in store for us.
Before intermission, Pamelia invited 2 friends onstage to perform a comedy act (huh?!). Neither turned out to be comedians, as they both admitted and which was also readily apparent. After trying out a few jokes on the crowd and being met with a cold response, the girl brought out her friend Cecil, an old vaudeville ventriloquist dummy that she had bought for $300. Cecil promptly announced that he hated the theremin, and proceeded to repeatedly hiss and whisper to the crowd “You’re all dead!!” and “There’s poison in the wine! Mwahahaha!” Since I love scary homicidal dummies, I thought it was hilarious and immediately found in Cecil a new best friend, but the rest of the crowd seemed slightly more hesitant at meeting his acquaintance. Especially when he told a 9/11 joke and a terrible Sarah Palin joke that even I (as in
myself) didn’t find funny. Even Cecil was straining at this point.
We had 20 minutes of much-needed respite, during which we recovered, slightly. Matt and I wanted to give Cecil the benefit of a doubt and sample the poisoned wine, but we decided that we should probably not put ourselves to sleep if we wanted to make it through the second half. At the end of intermission, Pamelia announced that she was going to have more friends (more friends??!!) come onstage and play with her for the rest of the show. Enter: Stian Westerhus (Norwegian avant-garde guitarist), Seb Rochford (giant-haired British drummer), and Shelley Hirsch (Brooklynite and human sound-effects machine). Cool.
When Shelley came to the mike, she said she was first going to tell us a story about Pamelia, and much in the spirit of Cecil, she began to tell us something we weren’t exactly expecting. Apparently, when Pamelia was 15 or 16, she was staying with a family on a farm somewhere in the midwest. Pamelia wanted to milk a goat, but chose one that wasn’t pregnant. The goat got a little PO’d when she started yanking on its nether regions, and so it began to pee... sideways. Pamelia laughed hysterically at this story, in her one-of-a-kind high-pitched laugh that always seems to take a while to get out of her system. This was, if anything, a dark foreshadowing to the awkwardness that would follow at the end of the show. We just didn’t know it yet. (Don’t worry, we didn’t witness any sideways peeing).
The second set was pretty cool, actually. Since it was going to be an improvised set and Stian was the only one onstage with whom Pamelia had never performed before, she made him begin. There were a few awkward moments as he began to set up when she pointed out how nervous he must be, and he began to laugh uncomfortably, and she began to laugh her chipmunk laugh again. We all followed suit in an effort to break the tension, looking around to find solace in other audience members.
But then he started playing and we momentarily forgot the strange events that were unfolding. His guitar was set to play a number of effects, and later, he figured out a way to echo the ethereal whirs of the theremin. I was a fan. Seb, short for Sebastian, was good too, altering the intensity and speed of his drumming to match the mood. Shelley, at first, was hard for me to get a hold of – her performance fell somewhere between scat and schizophrenia, but her humor and skill got the better of me. Matt and I even found ourselves laughing out loud at points when she cleverly worked in references to the goat story, masterful rhymes (pajamas! Dioramas! camARas!), and even facebook.
However, the minutes began to really drag after a certain point, and several times, everyone onstage except for Pamelia seemed ready to end the show and go home. Around this time, I began to take notice of the amount of wine Pamelia was drinking, as evidenced by her purple-stained lips and teeth, and I started to think “omg! is she going to stop tonight? Will we be here forever? OMG!!” I learned the hard way that those fidgeting, seat-shifting trapped-at-a-show moments are far worse than having your life threatened by lifeless wooden objects. When would it end?
It finally did, or so we thought. The music stopped, at least. Pamelia came to the mike to say what we all hoped would be a thank-you-good-night. But she, instead, talked about pee again. She announced she wanted to play another set after everyone went out to the bathroom to pee. Shelley saw the opportunity and made a mad dash out the door, as we all wondered “Is she coming back? Are they really gonna play another set? Is there really poison in the wine?? We’ll never leave! NOOOO!!” Not wanting to leave the stage or mike unattended, Pamelia continued with her pee talk, asking random audience members what we thought Shelley was doing in the bathroom – number 1 or number 2? This led to a monologue of her thoughts on “taking massive shits” and people’s need to just announce it already instead of covering it up by saying they were just to have a “tinkle”. The fidgeting and seat shifting continued. At this point, we were silently willing the comedy duo to take the stage again, anything but this.
But at last, Shelley returned, unaware of the dissertation on her bathroom activities that had developed during her absence. And an audience member volunteered to get Pamelia more wine so she would stop talking about it (Noooo!!! Don’t do it!!!). Pamelia had promised the set would only last 2-3 minutes, and after a few moments of loud blasting heavy-bass jamming, Shelley made sure she stuck to it (thank you!!).
As the music came to its final descent, Matt and I made a mad dash for our coats, scarves, hats, gloves, why did we bring so many things for christs sake, but it was too late. Pamelia took the mike again. And again, she talked about pee. “I would like to thank the audience members who held their pee long enough to stay tonight. If you all get bladder infections as a result, don’t blame me. Cuz you know, that’s the thing with bladder infections…” and she went on and on. However, much to the rejoicing of all, the guy who helps run the issue project room took over the mike and said good night. We were all free to go into the night, shivering, but not from the cold.
Pamelia was brilliant on the theremin, but I don’t know what got into her last night. Matt says she’s quirky like that. I think it must have been something in the wine after all.
Damn, we should have had some.